dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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