Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
