I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
