if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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