His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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