He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
