Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
