You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
