We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
