but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
