I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
