Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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