I faked an abortion last night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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