in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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