it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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