My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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