Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
