i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Fuck appropriateness.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
