I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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