You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
