you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
