Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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