She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Life is so much better after having sex.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize