I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
