Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
