so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
