So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
