dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
