Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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