What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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