if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
