I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
