he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
