dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
