four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
