If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
try to milk me bitch
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