mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize