i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My vagina is very pro this idea
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
