his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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