I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
