Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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