please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
