Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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