you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just pynch a tree in the face
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
