Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
