U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
