And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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