i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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