My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize