sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I love how my cats smell like pot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
