Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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