he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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