know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
