Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
