Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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