Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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