I looked at my own cervix.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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