if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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