take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
