did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
