I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
