her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
