My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
