i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize