is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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