Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
