Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
