Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
