so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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