lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
accomplished twins. life is a go
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize