He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
