I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
