your thong is hanging out like whoa
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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