you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
