Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
